Where did we get the idea that bigger is better?

Watching Dr. Oz last week, I was struck by the impact of the messages that we receive in Western society that more is better and bigger is better, yet we criticize and are disgusted by people who are overweight and bigger than others and reward people to eat less when they are presented more.  Sounds like a mixed message. 

Dr. Oz interviewed obese women and offered to provide help psychologically and physically to get them closer to healthy.  I was facinated by a few commonalities among these women. 

1. They all have absent fathers
2. They all have received messages growing up that led them to believe they were worthless

What leads people to believe these messages of unworthiness?  Why do some people use food as a way of filling that void while others use alcohol/drugs, exercise, people, shopping, etc.  Other interpretations of messages might also be "I'm not enough" or "No one loves me". 

Weight gain/loss is not the only result of those thoughts but decisions on what environment we choose to work and live in.  Even if you are not overweight, what other things might you be seeking to fill a void in your life? 

Are we all seeking to fill a void?  Are some outward results and behaviors more acceptable in our society than others?

What race are you running?

What is the race you want to run and what type of runner would you like to be or become?

About 5 years ago, I noticed that I was running unconsciously.  My walking pace was always fast from place to place, even around the office.  I found myself taking shallow breaths throughout the day and rarely taking a deep breath.  I also noticed that I wouldn't stop for very long to talk to people or notice the journey along the way.  I got medical check ups that also showed the 'race'.  My blood pressure over 10 years steadily increased to the point that I needed high blood pressure medication at age 28. It wasn't until I left my job after 13 years and was diagnosed with Shingles, that I knew that my body was screaming at me to change.

At the time, I thought, "I just left my job and my relationship with my boyfriend, isn't that enough change?"  What dawned on me was that stress is cumulative over time and the outcome or result isn't instantaneously related to a change or stress.  Also, stress isn't going to go away.  Life is stressful and waiting for the stress to go away is just waiting all of your life for something that will never come.  All I have influence over is how I process my stress and the strategies I use to deal with stress.  Ignoring it was no longer an option.

During these economic times, how are you managing your stress?  What is contributing to your stress: bills, job, family, responsibility, the "should's", the "I can'ts", health?

My vision now is to become resiliant, grounded, flexible, and strong in all aspects of my life: job, family, health (mental, physical, and emotional), finances.

Emotions: Good or Bad???

It seems that the pressures of today's work environment there seem to be more emotional reactions.  What causes people to "go postal"?  Emotions are not rational, yet people still need an answer to the basic question of why?  We want to find some rational reason to justify the emotion. 

I even have rationally labeled my emotions as 'good' or 'bad'.  I venture to say that all emotion is neutral, neither good or bad, however, what we choose to do as a result of that emotion could be categorized as good or bad.  Emotions are emotions.  When we get swept away by that emotion is when we forget about our surroundings and any potential impact that we have on others. 

Recently, I was given feedback that I smile a lot and it can be misleading for others.  That led me to think about my judgements about my own emotions.  Here is a list of some emotions and behaviors associated with those emotions:

Happy (smiling, laughing, joking)

Joy (smiling, relaxed)

Sad (crying, pain)

Anger (hitting, tense, criticizing, frustration)

Fear (run away, silence, frozen)

I realized that I tend to put the lable of 'good' on the Happy and Joy emotions and the label of 'bad' on the Sad, Anger, and Fear emotions.  May have something to do with the fact that I tend to smile and joke to avoid the 'bad' emotions.  The only problem is that avoidance only lasts so long and then that emotion explodes whether I like it or not. 

What messages have you received about emotions so far in your life?



Authenticty and Emotions

I attended a special interest group last week and the subject was Authentic Leadership and the author of the book, "Do You Dare to be Yourself", Andreas Dudas led our discussion. 

He gave us some distinctions between Authenticity, Integrity, and Selfishness in leadership.  Authenticity has elements of both Integrity and Selfishness, but adds the aspect of respecting others around you.

This got me thinking about my questions around emotions.  Is there any emotion that is not authentic?  There certainly is emotion that may be perceived as 'misplaced' or inappropriate for the situation, but does that make it inauthentic?  I often hear from managers that they have had experiences with people who "use emotions to manipulate them or the situation."  Based on Dudas' definition of Authenticity, does an emotional response appear selfish or inauthentic if it isn't respectful of others around you?

In my experience, when I have had an emotional response, I tend to go in one of two directions.  I either try and mask the emotion through jokes or redirecting the conversation (which may respect the people around me, but seems inauthentic and just avoids the true emotion) OR I get swept away by the emotion (which is a true emotion, but effects me and the people around me). 

What strategies are available to me to still have that true emotion AND honor myself and those around me at the same time?

Re-thinking organizations

I recently read this article about the human side of business and how in all industries, companies are having to re-invent themselves and re-think what has worked in the past and innovate into the needs of the future. 
http://www.fastcodesign.com/1669988/5-keys-to-building-a-business-that-doesnt-bury-the-humans-at-its-core

Working with organizations, some buzz words that I hear are things like "sustainability", "endurance", and "profitability". In these economic times, when organizations are under stress, they react more than respond to the changes.  Some make quick changes like a tearing off a band aid, closing their eyes, and hoping for the best.  Others are trying to ignore changes and hoping things will turn around soon. 

Ultimately, change is the "unknown" and "not knowing" part of business.  We can't predict as much as we want to, what will happen.  Unfortunately, many times, the people become the first to be impacted and the last to know why. 

I remember working in a corporation and being overwhelmed with emotion (crying) in meetings with my managers about what seemed to be mundane things and wondering why I was getting so upset about it?  I was confused and concerned about the way it looked to my managers and to the company.  So much so, that I think it may have perpetuated that emotion.  Now that I am an independent consultant, I have realized that I don't have that same reaction in meetings or talks with manager or colleagues.  Why?  Was it the environment that I was reacting to?  Was it all the rapid change that was happening in the organization?  New expectations, fear of losing my job, fear of not being able to live up to expectations?

What do people need in times of change?  Empathy, honesty (straight forwardness), testing assumptions, laying out the facts, and defining parameters for action (What can I do and what can't I do?)

Taking action is leading to the unknown, scary, non-predictable place and to truly living your life.  In the same vane, organizations that face the fear dead on and be centered and calm in the process gives them access all the options for taking action to make an informed decision. 

What are you saying 'Yes' to?

As a new entrepreneur, I struggle with many things that I didn't have to experience in a corporate environment.  How do I price my services, for instance?  As a coach, trainer, and facilitator, knowing how to initially price services based on industry and my experience has felt like a moving target.  I just negotiated a contract with a corporation and afterwords felt like I could have asked for more money.  My confidence is directly related to my rate, I've noticed.  If I am feeling especially confident, I price myself high, but if I am feeling like my work is under appreciated or it's an area I haven't worked in before, then I tend to price myself low.  It's definitely a journey.

Something that I do think I'm good at as an entrepreneur is not to just accept every offer that comes my way.  There is a tendency in the beginning to want to take every piece of work that is thrown at me.  I received some really great advice from one of my mentors.  She said that if I operate from a place of 'abundance versus lack' then the right opportunities will come my way.  I have turned down some jobs that I felt like would be taking a step back in my career in hopes that another opportunity would come my way.  And, so far, that has been the case.  When I say 'no' to one opportunity, I am saying 'yes' to something else.  It's also worked in my personal life.  When I had to make the tough decision to end a start up business last year, I was standing my ground to say that I didn't want to go any further or get in further debt than I already had, I was saying 'yes' to focusing back on my training and coaching business.  That other business was taking time and energy away from what I loved.  Even though, it was a great experience and I learned a lot, I realized how much I do enjoy developing people and helping others achieve their best. 

By saying 'yes' to that business, meant that I was saying, 'no' for the moment to building my other business.  Was that really what I wanted?

Recently, I stepped out into the dating scene again and the same has become true for me.  The men that I have said 'no' to have allowed me to say 'yes' to someone else who more closely matches my needs and wants.

How often throughout this journey I have had to refocus on my goals versus taking what is immediately available.  What are you saying, 'yes' to?

No, Yes, Maybe....

I heard a quote this weekend that really resonated with me, "Hearing a 'no' doesn't mean an end, but the beginning of an interesting conversation."  In terms of having my own business, this completely made sense to me.  If I take a 'no' at face value, what opportunities might I be missing out on?  It's along the same lines as looking for possibilities in situations versus limitations.  In my journey to losing weight and getting fit, I struggle with the feeling of limitations and many times succumb to the voice of 'I can't' versus looking for ways of saying 'how can I?'.  The journey of pushing myself to my limit seems to go against all I have learned in terms of managing risks and being cautious. 

There are so many parallels to my journey of building a business and building a new body.  When does your internal talk limit you?  How do I pay down debt, save money, and pay all of my bills?  I might as well say, "How do I watch what I eat, exercise, and work full time?"  Things don't have to be 'either/or' to succeed.  It seems to be the longer journey and the small steps leading to a goal that shows me how I can overcome my self talk.  It's a daily struggle or a daily opportunity in terms of how I view it to succeed.

A friend says that challenges make you decide how bad you want your goal.  I think that is a great way of looking at it and a good thing to remind myself next time I get ticked off at all the blockades,  gain weight when I know I have been good, or nurse a knee injury or sickness.

It seems that the way we look at our experiences is directly related to the happiness of that experience.