Worry as motivation?

It's been quite the last month.  The work I've been doing has been enough to keep me afloat and pay my bills, but has not been enough to pay off credit cards or work on a savings.  Since I started my own business 2.5 years ago, I've been more relaxed and things always have had a way of working out money wise.  This month I find myself shifting more into the realm of worry.  What is the worrying about?  Well, I don't have enough scheduled work this month or next month to be able to pay my bills.

For me, it seems like a constant friction between faith and worry.  Faith got me this far in my journey and I feel like worry may be doubting that faith.  Is it?  Or is worry helping to light a fire under me to motivate me to do something different?  Maybe it isn't about avoiding the worry, but to learn what the worry is about?  Is it coming from the past, present, or future?  Am I worried because of what has happened in the past that could repeat itself now, or am I worried about the unknown of the future or is this worry linked to my intuition in the present that says, it's time to take action?

I think in this case, I feel like it's time to take action for future work.  It may or may not solve the immediate need for money to pay my bills, but it may help me in the future with new work.

If anyone is thinking about starting their own business or breaking out on their own, it's a huge lesson on getting more comfortable with the unknown and constant networking.

It is not for the faint of heart, but is so rewarding when it works out.  It's like the Yin and Yang or the ups and downs of life. I experience each one almost every day.

Parfait anyone?

Like Shrek said, "I'm an onion. I have layers." Donkey replied, "Why an onion? Why not a Parfait? People like Parfaits."

I've been thinking recently about the layers of emotions that happen when we are under stress. I was teaching a course this week on change management and asked people what emotions they have in the midst of change.

Some responses were:
Fear
Anxiety
Confusion
Frustration
Anger
Sadness
Excitement
Relief

I wonder if it's about peeling back the layers of emotions. Does fear lead to anxiety, then to frustration and anger? Relief triggers body responses like crying and relaxed muscles? Vice versa, if I relax my muscles and cry, I am relieved. I'm curious to know how many layers of emotions and body responses exist for different situations?

Where did we get the idea that bigger is better?

Watching Dr. Oz last week, I was struck by the impact of the messages that we receive in Western society that more is better and bigger is better, yet we criticize and are disgusted by people who are overweight and bigger than others and reward people to eat less when they are presented more.  Sounds like a mixed message. 

Dr. Oz interviewed obese women and offered to provide help psychologically and physically to get them closer to healthy.  I was facinated by a few commonalities among these women. 

1. They all have absent fathers
2. They all have received messages growing up that led them to believe they were worthless

What leads people to believe these messages of unworthiness?  Why do some people use food as a way of filling that void while others use alcohol/drugs, exercise, people, shopping, etc.  Other interpretations of messages might also be "I'm not enough" or "No one loves me". 

Weight gain/loss is not the only result of those thoughts but decisions on what environment we choose to work and live in.  Even if you are not overweight, what other things might you be seeking to fill a void in your life? 

Are we all seeking to fill a void?  Are some outward results and behaviors more acceptable in our society than others?

What race are you running?

What is the race you want to run and what type of runner would you like to be or become?

About 5 years ago, I noticed that I was running unconsciously.  My walking pace was always fast from place to place, even around the office.  I found myself taking shallow breaths throughout the day and rarely taking a deep breath.  I also noticed that I wouldn't stop for very long to talk to people or notice the journey along the way.  I got medical check ups that also showed the 'race'.  My blood pressure over 10 years steadily increased to the point that I needed high blood pressure medication at age 28. It wasn't until I left my job after 13 years and was diagnosed with Shingles, that I knew that my body was screaming at me to change.

At the time, I thought, "I just left my job and my relationship with my boyfriend, isn't that enough change?"  What dawned on me was that stress is cumulative over time and the outcome or result isn't instantaneously related to a change or stress.  Also, stress isn't going to go away.  Life is stressful and waiting for the stress to go away is just waiting all of your life for something that will never come.  All I have influence over is how I process my stress and the strategies I use to deal with stress.  Ignoring it was no longer an option.

During these economic times, how are you managing your stress?  What is contributing to your stress: bills, job, family, responsibility, the "should's", the "I can'ts", health?

My vision now is to become resiliant, grounded, flexible, and strong in all aspects of my life: job, family, health (mental, physical, and emotional), finances.

Emotions: Good or Bad???

It seems that the pressures of today's work environment there seem to be more emotional reactions.  What causes people to "go postal"?  Emotions are not rational, yet people still need an answer to the basic question of why?  We want to find some rational reason to justify the emotion. 

I even have rationally labeled my emotions as 'good' or 'bad'.  I venture to say that all emotion is neutral, neither good or bad, however, what we choose to do as a result of that emotion could be categorized as good or bad.  Emotions are emotions.  When we get swept away by that emotion is when we forget about our surroundings and any potential impact that we have on others. 

Recently, I was given feedback that I smile a lot and it can be misleading for others.  That led me to think about my judgements about my own emotions.  Here is a list of some emotions and behaviors associated with those emotions:

Happy (smiling, laughing, joking)

Joy (smiling, relaxed)

Sad (crying, pain)

Anger (hitting, tense, criticizing, frustration)

Fear (run away, silence, frozen)

I realized that I tend to put the lable of 'good' on the Happy and Joy emotions and the label of 'bad' on the Sad, Anger, and Fear emotions.  May have something to do with the fact that I tend to smile and joke to avoid the 'bad' emotions.  The only problem is that avoidance only lasts so long and then that emotion explodes whether I like it or not. 

What messages have you received about emotions so far in your life?



Authenticty and Emotions

I attended a special interest group last week and the subject was Authentic Leadership and the author of the book, "Do You Dare to be Yourself", Andreas Dudas led our discussion. 

He gave us some distinctions between Authenticity, Integrity, and Selfishness in leadership.  Authenticity has elements of both Integrity and Selfishness, but adds the aspect of respecting others around you.

This got me thinking about my questions around emotions.  Is there any emotion that is not authentic?  There certainly is emotion that may be perceived as 'misplaced' or inappropriate for the situation, but does that make it inauthentic?  I often hear from managers that they have had experiences with people who "use emotions to manipulate them or the situation."  Based on Dudas' definition of Authenticity, does an emotional response appear selfish or inauthentic if it isn't respectful of others around you?

In my experience, when I have had an emotional response, I tend to go in one of two directions.  I either try and mask the emotion through jokes or redirecting the conversation (which may respect the people around me, but seems inauthentic and just avoids the true emotion) OR I get swept away by the emotion (which is a true emotion, but effects me and the people around me). 

What strategies are available to me to still have that true emotion AND honor myself and those around me at the same time?

Re-thinking organizations

I recently read this article about the human side of business and how in all industries, companies are having to re-invent themselves and re-think what has worked in the past and innovate into the needs of the future. 
http://www.fastcodesign.com/1669988/5-keys-to-building-a-business-that-doesnt-bury-the-humans-at-its-core

Working with organizations, some buzz words that I hear are things like "sustainability", "endurance", and "profitability". In these economic times, when organizations are under stress, they react more than respond to the changes.  Some make quick changes like a tearing off a band aid, closing their eyes, and hoping for the best.  Others are trying to ignore changes and hoping things will turn around soon. 

Ultimately, change is the "unknown" and "not knowing" part of business.  We can't predict as much as we want to, what will happen.  Unfortunately, many times, the people become the first to be impacted and the last to know why. 

I remember working in a corporation and being overwhelmed with emotion (crying) in meetings with my managers about what seemed to be mundane things and wondering why I was getting so upset about it?  I was confused and concerned about the way it looked to my managers and to the company.  So much so, that I think it may have perpetuated that emotion.  Now that I am an independent consultant, I have realized that I don't have that same reaction in meetings or talks with manager or colleagues.  Why?  Was it the environment that I was reacting to?  Was it all the rapid change that was happening in the organization?  New expectations, fear of losing my job, fear of not being able to live up to expectations?

What do people need in times of change?  Empathy, honesty (straight forwardness), testing assumptions, laying out the facts, and defining parameters for action (What can I do and what can't I do?)

Taking action is leading to the unknown, scary, non-predictable place and to truly living your life.  In the same vane, organizations that face the fear dead on and be centered and calm in the process gives them access all the options for taking action to make an informed decision. 

What are you saying 'Yes' to?

As a new entrepreneur, I struggle with many things that I didn't have to experience in a corporate environment.  How do I price my services, for instance?  As a coach, trainer, and facilitator, knowing how to initially price services based on industry and my experience has felt like a moving target.  I just negotiated a contract with a corporation and afterwords felt like I could have asked for more money.  My confidence is directly related to my rate, I've noticed.  If I am feeling especially confident, I price myself high, but if I am feeling like my work is under appreciated or it's an area I haven't worked in before, then I tend to price myself low.  It's definitely a journey.

Something that I do think I'm good at as an entrepreneur is not to just accept every offer that comes my way.  There is a tendency in the beginning to want to take every piece of work that is thrown at me.  I received some really great advice from one of my mentors.  She said that if I operate from a place of 'abundance versus lack' then the right opportunities will come my way.  I have turned down some jobs that I felt like would be taking a step back in my career in hopes that another opportunity would come my way.  And, so far, that has been the case.  When I say 'no' to one opportunity, I am saying 'yes' to something else.  It's also worked in my personal life.  When I had to make the tough decision to end a start up business last year, I was standing my ground to say that I didn't want to go any further or get in further debt than I already had, I was saying 'yes' to focusing back on my training and coaching business.  That other business was taking time and energy away from what I loved.  Even though, it was a great experience and I learned a lot, I realized how much I do enjoy developing people and helping others achieve their best. 

By saying 'yes' to that business, meant that I was saying, 'no' for the moment to building my other business.  Was that really what I wanted?

Recently, I stepped out into the dating scene again and the same has become true for me.  The men that I have said 'no' to have allowed me to say 'yes' to someone else who more closely matches my needs and wants.

How often throughout this journey I have had to refocus on my goals versus taking what is immediately available.  What are you saying, 'yes' to?

No, Yes, Maybe....

I heard a quote this weekend that really resonated with me, "Hearing a 'no' doesn't mean an end, but the beginning of an interesting conversation."  In terms of having my own business, this completely made sense to me.  If I take a 'no' at face value, what opportunities might I be missing out on?  It's along the same lines as looking for possibilities in situations versus limitations.  In my journey to losing weight and getting fit, I struggle with the feeling of limitations and many times succumb to the voice of 'I can't' versus looking for ways of saying 'how can I?'.  The journey of pushing myself to my limit seems to go against all I have learned in terms of managing risks and being cautious. 

There are so many parallels to my journey of building a business and building a new body.  When does your internal talk limit you?  How do I pay down debt, save money, and pay all of my bills?  I might as well say, "How do I watch what I eat, exercise, and work full time?"  Things don't have to be 'either/or' to succeed.  It seems to be the longer journey and the small steps leading to a goal that shows me how I can overcome my self talk.  It's a daily struggle or a daily opportunity in terms of how I view it to succeed.

A friend says that challenges make you decide how bad you want your goal.  I think that is a great way of looking at it and a good thing to remind myself next time I get ticked off at all the blockades,  gain weight when I know I have been good, or nurse a knee injury or sickness.

It seems that the way we look at our experiences is directly related to the happiness of that experience.

Making changes

I see friends and people around me racing to get from A to B, rushing to be promoted, anxious to know and predict the future or hurrying to be settled. What settles us is not a destination, but a way of being. Being truly present and daring to live this life fully is riding the current no matter what rocks and debris come along in our path, no matter what rapids and swirling eddies come our way.  Sometimes it feels like we don't have any control and life is just a series of chaotic events. There are a few things, however, that I know I can have control over such as my reactions and responses to situations and events.  I gain access to options when I am calm and centered versus racing to do something. I think clearer and breathe differently when I am centered.  When I stop mindlessly doing and start intentionally 'being', I create space for options. 

When I was diagnosed with Shingles in 2010 after a long period of stress at work and a break up of a relationship, I realized that I needed to take control of how I manage my stress.  In the past, I accessed strategies of eating too much to comfort myself or withdrawing from friends to cope with life's stresses.  Those didn't seem to work anymore, and I don't know if they ever did.

I chose to start running to get in shape and manage stress.  I was 90 pounds overweight and wasn't even sure how my body was going to react to running.  I remembered that I used to like running in high school, so why not try it again? Only this time, I wanted the more immediate goal to be, "I don't want to get injured."  Being 37 years old, I didn't think my body would respond or recover like it used to.

I downloaded a running schedule called the "Couch to 5K" from the Internet and decided to start training myself to run.  When I started, I could barely run 1 minute without being out of breath.  After about a month, I had worked up to running 5 minutes without stopping and needed something else to keep me motivated and to push me further.  So, I signed up for a Running 101 course through a local running store.

I kept a very slow pace and learned more about my body.  When I felt my stomach cramp up, I found out that I was pushing myself too hard.  When I hadn't had enough water during the day, I found that my body was stiff and lethargic.  When I got enough protein in my diet and sleep at night, I had more energy and could sustain my run longer. 

First 5K of 2011

At the end of the 101 class, I ran 24 minutes without stopping.  It was amazing!  How could someone 90 pounds overweight be able to change their endurance that quickly?  In only 3 months? I made another decision to enroll in 5K races in 2011.  Originally, I was intending to do one a month.  I ended up with 6 total for the year. I started to lose some weight, but my joints were hurting.  My left foot started cramping and feeling like I had strained my arch and my knees started feeling sore.  I slowed down and took it easy, but didn't give up on my journey.  Instead, I decided I needed to change my eating habits, so that I would lose weight quicker and be better to my joints.  I joined Weight Watchers in October 2011.

The pounds started coming off and I was cross training in the gym--lifting weights and riding the stationary bike. By March 2012, I have lost 50 pounds.  I ran my first full 5K in February without walking or stopping.  I have another 40 pounds to lose, so I'm over 1/2 way there. 

February 2012

What control can you have in your life?  What would create a lifestyle change and give you access to new choices and options?  What can release you from the rushing and anxiety even if it's for only a few minutes a day?

Air Pockets

Have you ever tripped over your own feet and wondered how that happened?  I think there are air pockets hidden from view that give us a jolt back into the present moment.  Some air pockets are bigger than others in life.  Major events or crisis that define our next move in life, unexpected downturns when we wanted success. It's not as much about the events, but how we handle them and learn from them.  I started a second business last year that seemed like a fantastic opportunity and now it's ending.  There are so many lessons and legal aspects to starting a business that one misguided move can cause a lot more pain later, like law suits and failures.

I've realized more about myself as I manage and navigate this air pocket. 

1. Life still goes on
2. I asked a question a year ago, "How do you stay present and make future plans?"  Is it possible to have both?  Well, I'm getting LOTS of practice with that duality right now.  A friend mentioned that the key is hope for something more. 
3. Catastrophyzing is a part of the process for me.  I need time to brainstorm the worst case scenerios and the "What if's" and then talk to friends and loved ones to help me ground my assumptions and take action on the important ones.
4. Ultimately, there is very little that I have control of aside from my own responses and reactions to a situation
5. Surrounding myself with people who support and guide me versus cause more anxiety and worry
6. Finding an activity to help manage stress for the long term.  I started running to get in shape and joined Weight Watchers to lose weight and eat healthier.  It has made all of the difference and gives me something else to focus on that is successful
7. Creating play in my life to laugh and really put the event in perspective. Read books that have nothing to do with what I am going through.  The Hunger Games was perfect!
8. Attending a half day meditation workshop, which forced me to deal with emotions and challenged me to truly stay in the moment and accept what was happening versus resisting.  Through this process I've learned that as humans we have emotion and occasionally we allow the emotion to have us.
9. Spending time reflecting in between activities.  My mom always told me to not underestimate the power and time for reflection. I believe now that that's where my strength is coming from
10. Taking the situation seriously, but not myself.  I may think I'm the most important person in my world, but realizing there are others around me who view things differently.  I'm not as self important as I think.

How do you handle major life stresses?  Is there a time you ever let those emotions take over and rule your world?

Redefining Leadership

Being a leader seems to boil down to a few things, leading through others, having a commanding yet relationship presence, and being authentic in body, mind, and emotion.  I've been working with leaders and managers for over 10 years; training courses in the people side of management and leadership.  There is a reprogramming of behavior that seems to be needed when making that transition in organizations.  Up until mid-level management, staff across the board are told that emotion doesn't belong in the workplace and that emotion should be controlled at all times otherwise you will be seen as unprofessional or crazy.  When did emotion become evil? 

In my experience, the more I tried to contain my emotion, the more I exploded.  The pressure cooker analogy is appropriate here.  Yet, I was often sought out in my job as a mentor and as someone who was empathetic and effective with others who had strong emotion.  Interestingly enough, what I have learned is that being a successful manager and leader is not done in the absence of emotion or in a controlled environment, but in managing moment to moment the changing conditions and unexpectedness of others emotions and changing job requirements.

There is a level of acceptance and consciousness of yourself that is required in effective leaders.  If I accept my faults and strengths and am conscious of when I am oparating in each, then I have access to more choices and decisions versus a blind reaction.  Leaders need to be able to show human-ness to their organizations.  Show that they do have faults, however, they know how to navigate through failure and bruised relationships more successfully. 

Can a leader be a leader when no one is following?

Intuition and business

I've been having some conversations lately regarding following your intuition and it's connection with a job, career, life, and business. I spent almost 13 years in a corporate environment that taught me to second guess my "gut feeling". I left feeling like I didn't have the skills or knowledge to get another job or unsure about what other job I would be qualified for. I started my own business and spent the last year repairing my confidence and increasing my trust in my intuition. I have since talked with many other women who have been saying similar things about where they are in their career. In the U.S. we seem to be obsessed with predictability and proving our case for a new project or new change we want to implement. We have become so obsessed with planning and assessing risks that I ask, "When are we actually doing it and taking risks?" I feel the most alive when I am taking a risk and trusting myself to navigate through that process.

I'm not sure how I learned that skill or where I get my confidence to make decisions. The decisions themselves aren't always correct or right, but it's the way that I process and recover that have become and continue to become the strength of my confidence. Again, it's not that I'm getting it right. It's that I am striving for it and living through it that brings excitement, fear, and ultimately, I hope, happiness.

I heard JayZ say, "No one learns from success, but everyone learns from failure." Well, if we are all about predicting, then where is there time to fail and try again in that process?

Transformation

Just when I think that I've got life figured out, events remind me that it isn't that simple. Some may call it the sweetness, the extra spice, the little something extra that makes life worth living. If things were predictable all of the time I would get bored. My life this first half of 2010 has given me a LOT of surprises; the loss of a love that I thought would outlast all of lifes ups and downs, the new possibilities of making a living, and developing new friendships/rekindling old ones with kindred spirits.

The "downs" of life somehow surprise me more than the "ups" of life. I'm not sure why I expect life to just have "ups". It is when I accept, not necessarily condone, that life has both ups and downs then I know I can face anything. This up or down is just temporary and I need to be present and experience both for without the true sorrows, I cannot appreciate the blissful joys when they come along. My mom once told me that when she looks for a partner/mate/companion in life, she wants to find someone who has experienced the sorrow and low in his life as well as the joys. Someone who has had it "easy" all of his life doesn't know how to make the difficult decisions, so he may differ his decision to others and never truly be happy.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to write down lists of things I want to do in my life and things I've already done. For some reason, it gives me some balance back in my life.

Here are just a few goals that I jotted down recently for the next year:

1. Buy a new car
2. Find 2 more clients for my business
3. Take an all inclusive vacation
4. Fall in love again
5. Sell 2 necklaces
6. Research a new idea I have for my business
7. Read 4 books
8. Go on 5 dates with different men
9. Lose 35 pounds
10. Set up training program to run a 5K
11. Find a cheaper health plan
12. Hire a cleaning service for my condo (at least once per month)
13. Host 2 or more dinner parties for friends
14. Paint my living room
15. Buy a new couch
16. Buy a new desk
17. Clean out closets and start giving away and throwing away clutter

As I write those up here on this blog, I realize that they are in no particular order. I am already starting to train for a 5K in October, which I hope will then necessitate the weight loss. I used to love to run in high school, so I'll now see if I still love it.

Peering into the Valley

Today, I attended the funeral of an old friend who died way to young at age 40. He had just quit his job in search of a new adventure. They say he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. A few of his friends found him the next day. Carpe Diem is the phrase that keeps repeating in my head--squeezing the marrow out of life. His cousin got up to say a few words and said how much he had lived his life at such a young age and took care of everyone. He said that "Andy went out on top" and I believe it.

I am sad today not just because of the loss of a good person who was there for anyone in need but I am also sad for those that don't "suck the marrow out of life" that wait until another day to go on that vacation or have coffee with that friend they haven't seen in years.

I know that the only thing certain in life is death and we don't know when that will happen to us. I want to cultivate joy and gratefulness in my life.

I am so grateful for all of my friends in my life. My close friends know me through my crazy times, fun times, and sad times and still enjoy the show. :) I'm grateful for my family who can drive me crazy at times, but who are honest and would do anything for me as well as I would do for them. I am grateful for my house and the people I meet everyday.

As my friend, Vernita says, "I want to emerge and evolve to become unperturbable" to my surroundings. I think that is truly cultivating joy, don't you?

Live your life as if no one was watching. Dance in your underwear, sing in the supermarket, play in the water fountain, laugh uncontrollably, and create the life you've always wanted.

The Road Less Travelled

I did it. I quit my job in January to start my own business. I'm my own boss which is very exciting, scary, creative, flexible, and freeing. It's interesting because for the first time in 12 years, I don't feel worried. When I had a full time job, I was contantly worried about living up to expectations, figuring out what the expectations were, and how to hold on to my job. Now, when I think that I "should be worried" about finding work and paying my bills, I have a peace that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I know that I will find work and I have a plan for paying my bills.

Something that I recently discovered is that I'm not fitting in with the "norm" in my community. I am loving my job and my lifestyle right now. I am so happy! I am noticing that I feel a little guilty for telling people that. How do I find the balance between telling people what's going on with me and not feel like I'm bragging about my life? I used to be in the midst of the gossip and talk about what I didn't like about my job and how hard work was for me. It's not proving to be hard at this point, at least not yet.

Another friend of mine who recently left her job after 10 years says, "I feel like I've moved into a career where I am finally taking care of myself and coming into me. Some people say that I'm in retirement, but I feel like I'm just beginning."

I do feel like I'm just beginning to emerge. I have so many ideas of making money and creating my offer to organizations. It's so nice that I already have some work that is getting me by right now and not have to dip into my savings.

2010 is already giving me the flexibility and freedom to think differently. I think this transition and emerging process will be throughout this year.

How are you emerging this year?

Tip toeing through political work environments

Whenever I travel to a new place, I immediately get the map and plot where my hotel is in relation to restaurants and entertainment. Once I can picture where I am, I am ready to explore the unknown and take the road less travelled. If I can't picture where I "fit" into the larger context, it becomes harder for me to explore and be curious. It's this need to know where or who I am before I can explore where I am going or moving forward.

I've been butting heads with a boss at work all year. Rationally, I know the main issue is that she's a VERY detailed and scheduled person who is in a role that is not in her comfort zone in terms of being more "hands off" and strategic thinking. I admit that I have a lot to learn about details and structure of things. I miss details on my best day and at times will make up detail to prove my point (I'd say that would be on my worst day). I see arbitrary deadlines as a waste of time. If it's a hard and fast deadline for a deliverable such as presenting to an audience, I will get it done and deem that much more important than the schedule leading up to it. Well, I have been so frustrated this year because I can't see why I was selected to do certain projects or how much autonomy do I have to run the project my way? I have felt like the Dilbert cartoon where I have all the blame for the failure of projects, and my boss has all of the decision making power. I feel like I'm an underwriter for her. She seems to want to tell me what to write, I write it, and then she has someone to blame if it isn't written well.

I need the road map. I need the "You are Here" icon in the broader picture. I can't see where I'm going because I can't see where I am. So far, all I can see are the wrong turns I'm making into the brick walls. I am trying hard to see the "maze".

So, I have felt I've been stalled on my journey for at least a year or two figuring out how to get past the dead ends. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for me because I see the light through the "hedges". I see opportunity to move because I see myself somewhere different than this job. I have an opportunity to put a stake in the ground where I am standing that says, "You are Here" move forward. I get a chance to create the 'ocean' I will swim in or the 'map' I will follow from here.

Career thoughts

It's almost a year since my last post and so much has happened. Where to begin? I've been in my own transformative process. Tackling those grand questions of:

• What do I want to do when I grow up?
• Where are my strengths?
• How can I get paid to do what I love?
• How can I get unstuck and face my fears?

In true form, I have identified many things I don't want in the process to discover what I do want. Here are a few thoughts:

• I want to use my strengths and be proud of them
• I want to give back to my community
• I want to put "work" in perspective and start "playing" more
• I want to be financially secure and take lots risks in life
• I want to cultivate relationship
• I want to align my passions with what I do

Now, it's about turning those wants into action. What do you want in a career or in your life?

Turning 35!

I just celebrated my 35th birthday and had a fabulous time. It became a weekend event. I went out on Friday night for happy hour that turned into a late night. I got my hair cut and darkened and love it! On Saturday night, I invited friends to go bowling and enjoyed it immensely. On Sunday, my actual birthday, I slept in and took a long walk for brunch and took a nap in the afternoon. All in all, it was a well balanced weekend.

Like every year, I set a new intention or theme for the next year. Last year, my theme was "Fearless" and consequently I dealt with a lot of fearful things.


This year, I have a few top picks:

Pleasure
Lightness
Acceptance


The jury is still out and will decide in a few weeks.


It's also a good time to reflect on the last year's accomplishments and learning. Here's my Top 10 list:

10. Finished my Coaching certification through Newfield Network
9. Attended a weekly yoga classes at Journeyoga.net
8. Realized that having emotion is not the same as the emotions having me
7. Designed and sold some pieces of my jewelry
6. I went out on dates and am still looking...
5. Re-decorated my back deck with flowers and a sectional couch
4. Made themed onesies for all of my pregnant friends (8 women)
3. Bonded with a horse named Allegro
2. Sometimes when there are too many directions to go in, the best thing to do is stand still
1. Scrabble on Facebook is sooooo addictive!

Is there ever an unbiased survey?

So, I am filling out this survey for work about generational differences, and at one point it asks me,
What is your status?
A. Single/divorced/widowed
B. Married/partnered.

Ok, so as a single, never been married woman, I am put into the same category as widows and divorcees? So, the only reason to be single is a perceived negative connotation? No offense to those who have gone through a divorce or who are widows. I can't pretend to know what it is like to go through that, but why not have answers like,
A. Single and Happy
B. Single and Looking
C. Married and Happy
D. Married and Looking
E. Partnered and Happy
F. Partnered and Looking
G. It's complicated :)
It adds a little more zest, don't you think?

Ok, I realize I'm projecting my own stuff on the survey....but.....

There is a question that says,
How much time do you spend with your children?
A. Never
B. Rarely
C. Weekly
D. Daily

There was NOT a "Does not apply" answer, so I had to put Never since I don't have kids. It assumes I have kids even if I answered three previous questions about kids, "Do you have them? Do you want them? If you had them, would you want a flexible work arrangement?"

Just some thoughts.....