Worry as motivation?

It's been quite the last month.  The work I've been doing has been enough to keep me afloat and pay my bills, but has not been enough to pay off credit cards or work on a savings.  Since I started my own business 2.5 years ago, I've been more relaxed and things always have had a way of working out money wise.  This month I find myself shifting more into the realm of worry.  What is the worrying about?  Well, I don't have enough scheduled work this month or next month to be able to pay my bills.

For me, it seems like a constant friction between faith and worry.  Faith got me this far in my journey and I feel like worry may be doubting that faith.  Is it?  Or is worry helping to light a fire under me to motivate me to do something different?  Maybe it isn't about avoiding the worry, but to learn what the worry is about?  Is it coming from the past, present, or future?  Am I worried because of what has happened in the past that could repeat itself now, or am I worried about the unknown of the future or is this worry linked to my intuition in the present that says, it's time to take action?

I think in this case, I feel like it's time to take action for future work.  It may or may not solve the immediate need for money to pay my bills, but it may help me in the future with new work.

If anyone is thinking about starting their own business or breaking out on their own, it's a huge lesson on getting more comfortable with the unknown and constant networking.

It is not for the faint of heart, but is so rewarding when it works out.  It's like the Yin and Yang or the ups and downs of life. I experience each one almost every day.

Parfait anyone?

Like Shrek said, "I'm an onion. I have layers." Donkey replied, "Why an onion? Why not a Parfait? People like Parfaits."

I've been thinking recently about the layers of emotions that happen when we are under stress. I was teaching a course this week on change management and asked people what emotions they have in the midst of change.

Some responses were:
Fear
Anxiety
Confusion
Frustration
Anger
Sadness
Excitement
Relief

I wonder if it's about peeling back the layers of emotions. Does fear lead to anxiety, then to frustration and anger? Relief triggers body responses like crying and relaxed muscles? Vice versa, if I relax my muscles and cry, I am relieved. I'm curious to know how many layers of emotions and body responses exist for different situations?

Where did we get the idea that bigger is better?

Watching Dr. Oz last week, I was struck by the impact of the messages that we receive in Western society that more is better and bigger is better, yet we criticize and are disgusted by people who are overweight and bigger than others and reward people to eat less when they are presented more.  Sounds like a mixed message. 

Dr. Oz interviewed obese women and offered to provide help psychologically and physically to get them closer to healthy.  I was facinated by a few commonalities among these women. 

1. They all have absent fathers
2. They all have received messages growing up that led them to believe they were worthless

What leads people to believe these messages of unworthiness?  Why do some people use food as a way of filling that void while others use alcohol/drugs, exercise, people, shopping, etc.  Other interpretations of messages might also be "I'm not enough" or "No one loves me". 

Weight gain/loss is not the only result of those thoughts but decisions on what environment we choose to work and live in.  Even if you are not overweight, what other things might you be seeking to fill a void in your life? 

Are we all seeking to fill a void?  Are some outward results and behaviors more acceptable in our society than others?

What race are you running?

What is the race you want to run and what type of runner would you like to be or become?

About 5 years ago, I noticed that I was running unconsciously.  My walking pace was always fast from place to place, even around the office.  I found myself taking shallow breaths throughout the day and rarely taking a deep breath.  I also noticed that I wouldn't stop for very long to talk to people or notice the journey along the way.  I got medical check ups that also showed the 'race'.  My blood pressure over 10 years steadily increased to the point that I needed high blood pressure medication at age 28. It wasn't until I left my job after 13 years and was diagnosed with Shingles, that I knew that my body was screaming at me to change.

At the time, I thought, "I just left my job and my relationship with my boyfriend, isn't that enough change?"  What dawned on me was that stress is cumulative over time and the outcome or result isn't instantaneously related to a change or stress.  Also, stress isn't going to go away.  Life is stressful and waiting for the stress to go away is just waiting all of your life for something that will never come.  All I have influence over is how I process my stress and the strategies I use to deal with stress.  Ignoring it was no longer an option.

During these economic times, how are you managing your stress?  What is contributing to your stress: bills, job, family, responsibility, the "should's", the "I can'ts", health?

My vision now is to become resiliant, grounded, flexible, and strong in all aspects of my life: job, family, health (mental, physical, and emotional), finances.

Emotions: Good or Bad???

It seems that the pressures of today's work environment there seem to be more emotional reactions.  What causes people to "go postal"?  Emotions are not rational, yet people still need an answer to the basic question of why?  We want to find some rational reason to justify the emotion. 

I even have rationally labeled my emotions as 'good' or 'bad'.  I venture to say that all emotion is neutral, neither good or bad, however, what we choose to do as a result of that emotion could be categorized as good or bad.  Emotions are emotions.  When we get swept away by that emotion is when we forget about our surroundings and any potential impact that we have on others. 

Recently, I was given feedback that I smile a lot and it can be misleading for others.  That led me to think about my judgements about my own emotions.  Here is a list of some emotions and behaviors associated with those emotions:

Happy (smiling, laughing, joking)

Joy (smiling, relaxed)

Sad (crying, pain)

Anger (hitting, tense, criticizing, frustration)

Fear (run away, silence, frozen)

I realized that I tend to put the lable of 'good' on the Happy and Joy emotions and the label of 'bad' on the Sad, Anger, and Fear emotions.  May have something to do with the fact that I tend to smile and joke to avoid the 'bad' emotions.  The only problem is that avoidance only lasts so long and then that emotion explodes whether I like it or not. 

What messages have you received about emotions so far in your life?



Authenticty and Emotions

I attended a special interest group last week and the subject was Authentic Leadership and the author of the book, "Do You Dare to be Yourself", Andreas Dudas led our discussion. 

He gave us some distinctions between Authenticity, Integrity, and Selfishness in leadership.  Authenticity has elements of both Integrity and Selfishness, but adds the aspect of respecting others around you.

This got me thinking about my questions around emotions.  Is there any emotion that is not authentic?  There certainly is emotion that may be perceived as 'misplaced' or inappropriate for the situation, but does that make it inauthentic?  I often hear from managers that they have had experiences with people who "use emotions to manipulate them or the situation."  Based on Dudas' definition of Authenticity, does an emotional response appear selfish or inauthentic if it isn't respectful of others around you?

In my experience, when I have had an emotional response, I tend to go in one of two directions.  I either try and mask the emotion through jokes or redirecting the conversation (which may respect the people around me, but seems inauthentic and just avoids the true emotion) OR I get swept away by the emotion (which is a true emotion, but effects me and the people around me). 

What strategies are available to me to still have that true emotion AND honor myself and those around me at the same time?

Re-thinking organizations

I recently read this article about the human side of business and how in all industries, companies are having to re-invent themselves and re-think what has worked in the past and innovate into the needs of the future. 
http://www.fastcodesign.com/1669988/5-keys-to-building-a-business-that-doesnt-bury-the-humans-at-its-core

Working with organizations, some buzz words that I hear are things like "sustainability", "endurance", and "profitability". In these economic times, when organizations are under stress, they react more than respond to the changes.  Some make quick changes like a tearing off a band aid, closing their eyes, and hoping for the best.  Others are trying to ignore changes and hoping things will turn around soon. 

Ultimately, change is the "unknown" and "not knowing" part of business.  We can't predict as much as we want to, what will happen.  Unfortunately, many times, the people become the first to be impacted and the last to know why. 

I remember working in a corporation and being overwhelmed with emotion (crying) in meetings with my managers about what seemed to be mundane things and wondering why I was getting so upset about it?  I was confused and concerned about the way it looked to my managers and to the company.  So much so, that I think it may have perpetuated that emotion.  Now that I am an independent consultant, I have realized that I don't have that same reaction in meetings or talks with manager or colleagues.  Why?  Was it the environment that I was reacting to?  Was it all the rapid change that was happening in the organization?  New expectations, fear of losing my job, fear of not being able to live up to expectations?

What do people need in times of change?  Empathy, honesty (straight forwardness), testing assumptions, laying out the facts, and defining parameters for action (What can I do and what can't I do?)

Taking action is leading to the unknown, scary, non-predictable place and to truly living your life.  In the same vane, organizations that face the fear dead on and be centered and calm in the process gives them access all the options for taking action to make an informed decision.