Tip toeing through political work environments

Whenever I travel to a new place, I immediately get the map and plot where my hotel is in relation to restaurants and entertainment. Once I can picture where I am, I am ready to explore the unknown and take the road less travelled. If I can't picture where I "fit" into the larger context, it becomes harder for me to explore and be curious. It's this need to know where or who I am before I can explore where I am going or moving forward.

I've been butting heads with a boss at work all year. Rationally, I know the main issue is that she's a VERY detailed and scheduled person who is in a role that is not in her comfort zone in terms of being more "hands off" and strategic thinking. I admit that I have a lot to learn about details and structure of things. I miss details on my best day and at times will make up detail to prove my point (I'd say that would be on my worst day). I see arbitrary deadlines as a waste of time. If it's a hard and fast deadline for a deliverable such as presenting to an audience, I will get it done and deem that much more important than the schedule leading up to it. Well, I have been so frustrated this year because I can't see why I was selected to do certain projects or how much autonomy do I have to run the project my way? I have felt like the Dilbert cartoon where I have all the blame for the failure of projects, and my boss has all of the decision making power. I feel like I'm an underwriter for her. She seems to want to tell me what to write, I write it, and then she has someone to blame if it isn't written well.

I need the road map. I need the "You are Here" icon in the broader picture. I can't see where I'm going because I can't see where I am. So far, all I can see are the wrong turns I'm making into the brick walls. I am trying hard to see the "maze".

So, I have felt I've been stalled on my journey for at least a year or two figuring out how to get past the dead ends. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for me because I see the light through the "hedges". I see opportunity to move because I see myself somewhere different than this job. I have an opportunity to put a stake in the ground where I am standing that says, "You are Here" move forward. I get a chance to create the 'ocean' I will swim in or the 'map' I will follow from here.

Career thoughts

It's almost a year since my last post and so much has happened. Where to begin? I've been in my own transformative process. Tackling those grand questions of:

• What do I want to do when I grow up?
• Where are my strengths?
• How can I get paid to do what I love?
• How can I get unstuck and face my fears?

In true form, I have identified many things I don't want in the process to discover what I do want. Here are a few thoughts:

• I want to use my strengths and be proud of them
• I want to give back to my community
• I want to put "work" in perspective and start "playing" more
• I want to be financially secure and take lots risks in life
• I want to cultivate relationship
• I want to align my passions with what I do

Now, it's about turning those wants into action. What do you want in a career or in your life?

Turning 35!

I just celebrated my 35th birthday and had a fabulous time. It became a weekend event. I went out on Friday night for happy hour that turned into a late night. I got my hair cut and darkened and love it! On Saturday night, I invited friends to go bowling and enjoyed it immensely. On Sunday, my actual birthday, I slept in and took a long walk for brunch and took a nap in the afternoon. All in all, it was a well balanced weekend.

Like every year, I set a new intention or theme for the next year. Last year, my theme was "Fearless" and consequently I dealt with a lot of fearful things.


This year, I have a few top picks:

Pleasure
Lightness
Acceptance


The jury is still out and will decide in a few weeks.


It's also a good time to reflect on the last year's accomplishments and learning. Here's my Top 10 list:

10. Finished my Coaching certification through Newfield Network
9. Attended a weekly yoga classes at Journeyoga.net
8. Realized that having emotion is not the same as the emotions having me
7. Designed and sold some pieces of my jewelry
6. I went out on dates and am still looking...
5. Re-decorated my back deck with flowers and a sectional couch
4. Made themed onesies for all of my pregnant friends (8 women)
3. Bonded with a horse named Allegro
2. Sometimes when there are too many directions to go in, the best thing to do is stand still
1. Scrabble on Facebook is sooooo addictive!

Is there ever an unbiased survey?

So, I am filling out this survey for work about generational differences, and at one point it asks me,
What is your status?
A. Single/divorced/widowed
B. Married/partnered.

Ok, so as a single, never been married woman, I am put into the same category as widows and divorcees? So, the only reason to be single is a perceived negative connotation? No offense to those who have gone through a divorce or who are widows. I can't pretend to know what it is like to go through that, but why not have answers like,
A. Single and Happy
B. Single and Looking
C. Married and Happy
D. Married and Looking
E. Partnered and Happy
F. Partnered and Looking
G. It's complicated :)
It adds a little more zest, don't you think?

Ok, I realize I'm projecting my own stuff on the survey....but.....

There is a question that says,
How much time do you spend with your children?
A. Never
B. Rarely
C. Weekly
D. Daily

There was NOT a "Does not apply" answer, so I had to put Never since I don't have kids. It assumes I have kids even if I answered three previous questions about kids, "Do you have them? Do you want them? If you had them, would you want a flexible work arrangement?"

Just some thoughts.....

Light-Headed

There are so many "heavy" things on my mind. The economy, unhealed relationships, difficult conversations with loved ones, not getting rewarded for a job well done. I was talking with a friend today and we were discussing how it takes SO MUCH more energy to be in a negative, heavy place than it does to be happy and light.

It's time to be light-headed and proud of it! Enjoy the lightness that can be around us. I choose to celebrate this week versus worry. I choose to believe that I am couragous and I am.

What are you light-headed about?

Fear of the Journey

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented?’ Actually, ‘Who are you not to be?’…Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do…And as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

--A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson

When I saw this quote, it resonated with what I am feeling right now. I’ve spent my life learning that It’s much better to be humble about my accomplishments than to share them. I don’t think anyone ever told me that in those words, but I learned it from somewhere. I think it means that I am not sharing my best talents with the world. When I read the definition of ‘humble,’ I realize that as I am growing my business as a coach, this ‘humbleness’ is getting in the way. If I think of my gifts as being ‘low in rank, importance, and quality’ that others will not take me seriously. To market myself from a place of strength would be to believe that I am “brilliant, gorgeous, and talented” and that I can accomplish anything is new territory for me. The cost for me is that I have been stuck. Saying that I want to accomplish my dreams, but showing the world that those dreams are ‘insignificant.’ I now begin to understand what it means to hold myself as an offer versus an apology.


Humble
adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong.
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.

–verb (used with object) 6. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
7. to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
8. to make meek: to humble one's heart.

The Journey Within

The question of “Where does courage reside in me?” has been on my mind a lot this week.

Definition (Dictionary.com):
The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
To act in accordance with one's beliefs, esp. in spite of criticism.

I think of courage a little bit differently. It is to face the difficulty in spite of fear not in the absence of fear. I don’t think you can have courage without fear. It’s knowing the fear and leaning into it to take action. I think it means standing up for what you believe in and being grounded in that belief and body

I seem to be very in touch with my fears and assessments (grounded or ungrounded) about them:
1. Failure (I did all the "right" things and it was still screwed up. )
2. Success (No one stays at the top for long. When does the other shoe drop?)
3. Loneliness (I'm not good enough)
4. Conflict (It only causes bad feelings and broken relationships)

When have I been courageous?

I remember when I first moved away from home after college in 1997. I didn't know if I would succeed or fail and it didn't matter then. I just wanted to do something different. The world seemed wide open and I just wanted to find a job that would pay my bills. I was scared of the unknown, but not enough to stay put.

I studied in Australia for a Semester in 1994 and flew across the world by myself. A small part of me was scared, but a majority of me was looking forward to the adventure and all the new people I would meet and all of the new places I would visit. I didn't dwell on the fear, but embraced the adventure. That semester, I also went bungee jumping, rock climbing, surfing, snorkeling with sharks, and scuba diving.

Were those experiences exhibiting courage or dare devil behavior? Does it matter? Does there need to be a little bit of naivete to be courageous? There is an advantage to not knowing then what I know now. The thoughts of "You will be sorry if you do this?" never entered my mind in either case because I had nothing to lose. When you start with nothing you have nothing to lose.

What is holding me back now from starting my own business are my fears that I won't be able to pay my bills, I could lose my house, I won't be able to afford health insurance, and I could neglect my friendships because of all of the work it will take to start up. I'm also afraid that by making coaching my job or profession that it means it won't be fun anymore. How do I put that fear aside long enough to ground those assessments and feel confident that I can do it in spite of myself?