Transformation happens

What were your first messages about trust?



I was told that I shouldn't talk with or trust strangers. It was ok to trust people in my family and immediate community. Trust is very fragile and if I wanted freedom as a teenager, I needed to be trustworthy. What I wasn't told was what do I do if someone in my family or immediate community viloated trust. Then, who do I trust? "I can't talk to strangers," but they will always be strangers if I don't talk to them.


Over the weekend, we talked about this very subject at my coaching conference. What was also amazing to me was the disussion about cultural discourse and trust. Aside from my parents, what messages did I receive about trust from my religion, my geographical location, from my community? I always thought that trust was universal. That either you trust someone or you don't or they trust you or they don't. I am finding that it just isn't that simple.

There is more to the onion that the first layer.

Was that really me?

A few years ago, I was asked to sing in a co-workers wedding. I was shocked that she asked me and excited at the opportunity to sing. I have sung in church choirs and choruses in my adult years, but never had any formal training. The bride had heard me sing with my guitar a few times, but never what I view as wedding songs. Oh, and by the way, she wanted me to either sing Schubert's Ave Maria or The Lord's Prayer-not easy songs to start with.

So, I told her that I wanted to hire a voice coach and practice those songs and that I would get back to her about how comfortable I was singing in her wedding.

The first session with the voice coach was all about my breathing. She had me look in the mirror and observe my face and mouth and breathe differently. We only sang a little bit.

The second session, we got into Ave Maria. At times she would sing with me to keep me on tempo. At one point, I was in the middle of the song and heard a different voice. I assumed that she was singing with me again, so I stopped to hear what I needed to correct.

When I stopped she said, "Why did you stop? That was sounding beautiful." I said, "Weren't you singing along with me?" It turns out that she was not singing along at all and that other voice I thought I heard was actually my own. I was shocked! Was that really me?! I never knew I had that voice.

Needless to say, I sang in that wedding and three other weddings after that. I am still on the journey of finding my voice. With practice, I have discovered other tones and brilliant sounds.

How have you found your "voice?"

Where do I go now?

I'm finishing up my coaching program and I know that this is what I want to do with my next career. I have learned so much about myself and am continuing to learn with each client.

How do we know we have achieved success in something? What are my conditions of satisfaction for success?

I believe that I have only noticed my achievements by looking back to written communication I authored, pictures, recordings, and anything else that captured the moment I was in at that time. I am inconsistent at best with writing in my journal or on this blog which goes back to that question. Part of that comes from the fact that I only want to write when I think I have something important to say. Some of my journals end up having multiple entries that are the same. What I deem important is variety, I guess. "If it doesn't have variety then it isn't worth mentioning."

How do I know how much I've learned or grown without writing down thoughts throughout the journey?

Some of the best trips that I've taken, I have written travel journals throughout the trip and it stays alive with me for years afterwards. I remember little details because of those entries. Pictures help, too. Although, I don't always remember the buildings names or where the scenery is actually located without writing it down.

I keep receiving feedback about being more consistent. I enjoy that variety so much that I forget or don't learn how to be consistent in my actions and words. It's served me well in many domains of my life. How can I be more consistent without being boring?

Emotions

I've been knee deep in my coaching certification and came across the following from one of my classmates:

When thinking changes your mind, that's philosophy.

When God changes your mind, that's faith.

When facts change your mind, that's science.

WHAT HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT? WHY?
http://edge.org/q2008/q08_index.html

I've changed my mind about emotions. I've always viewed emotion as a bad thing. Something that should be suppressed. Every time tears welled up, I hated it. I would always say to myself, "What are you doing? This is stupid. Why are you crying? But I wouldn't wait to even hear my answer to these questions. It could be from my upbringing; My father is German/Scottish descent. My mother is Scotch/Irish descent. Those cultures by nature do not show much emotion outwardly compared to other cultures--maybe it has something to do with the cold environment of those countries. Who knows?!
Through my journey this past year, I've changed my mind and now am on the journey to embrace my emotions (all of them) and learn from them instead of suppressing them. It doesn't serve anyone else and it doesn't serve me.
The question that I ask is, "Why does the American Society, that I'm familiar with, want us to suppress our emotions? It's almost like society says, emotions aren't rational, which is true, but they go further to say that only rational things are important.

If emotions are catalysts for action and we don't value emotions, then does that mean that we don't take action or we take action only if it's rational?

What impact does that have on the decisions that we make for action? What impact does that have on our gut feeling about things?

Another year older

So I recently celebrated my 34th birthday with going to a corn maze in Virginia with friends. I don't feel 34. I feel like I'm still 21. Where do the years go? Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be my age. I believe in celebrating every year. I don't want to be 21 anymore. I was anxious about where I was going to get my next paycheck. I was in college wondering what sort of job a Pyschology major can get after she graduates. I had thoughts of going into the Peace Corps and travelling the world.

Even though I didn't join the peace corps, I don't regret anything since I graduated. I usually make a list on my birthday of all the things that I accomplished in the year so I can see where I've been.

1. I started a certification program for coaching through http://www.newfieldnetwork.com/.
2. I learned how to fall out of love with someone and mended my heart
3. I travelled north of New York City for the first time
4. My dad and I are having impactful conversations
5. I went on an interview for another job
6. I met my new nephew, Ford, and spent time with Jim and Melanie
7. I watched my brother, Warren, fall in love and get married
8. I saw Brad Pitt in the airport!
9. I went to Las Vegas twice
10. I am purchasing a custom made chest of drawers from my friend, Mike Mendelow. Check out: http://www.washingtonwoodworks.com/

North Woods Travel

I just returned from a week long vacation and road trip to the north Maine woods. I had not been north of New York before this trip and was glad to do it with my friends Jeni, Eric, and Tracy.

Jeni was definitely the organized one of the crew with her folder of activities for each day of the journey and her Nice-n-Clean wet wipes. Not to mention her culinary skills of apple pie, potato hash, and cheesy eggs. Jeni played multiple roles during the week including comic relief, "Riding on a motorcycle without a helmet. He's just asking to kiss the sidewalk." Any word that ends in "ass" is bound to come out of Jeni's mouth, "Jackass, dumb ass, smart ass."

Eric's role on the trip was that of the DJ. Every morning we woke up to a mix of music from his iPod. Some of those songs brought back memories of elementary school days. Where do you find some of those songs?

Tracy brought her vacuuming skills and a slight obsession to the spray Clorox in the shower every day. Her skills of being a tour guide in Boston were the best. We actually accomplished everything on Jeni's list. Hooray!

I make an excellent cup of java. I also took Jeni on detours to get ice cream and to take pictures of all the state signs. I also started the whole trip when I won a week in Maine in a cabin on a lake from a charity event auction.

It was a great time of relaxation, seeing sites, eating LOTS of junk food, and singing in the car. The view from the cabin was fantastic! We had beautiful weather all week long. Here are just a few highlights:

View of Lake Ambejejus and Mt. Katahdin from the cabin

Hiking in Baxter State Park

Nicky and Big Girl

Whale Watching from Boston

It was so nice to disconnect from the world for a few days. In North Maine, we didn't have cable or Internet or cell phone coverage. All we had were games, a hammock, a TV/VCR for movies, and great landscape.

I'm now getting ready for my brother, Warren's wedding in California. I leave in 2 days. Why can't I be independently wealthy and travel all over whenever I feel like it and work whenever I feel like it. :)

Celebrity Citing

My last trip was to Chicago for a little work and play. I love going to there in the summer time. It's such a vibrant city with a buzz. I enjoyed my 'play' time with my friend, Phoebe. We always have such a great time. It's nice to have close friends who just "get" you. We spent time shopping on Michigan Ave. and I had the best shopping experience I've ever had.

We walked into Anne Fontaine, which is a boutique that specializes in the ultimate white shirt for women. The sales women were helpful and seemed to really enjoy their job and selling their product. I actually walked away with a black blouse at the end of the day. I would highly recommend that if you have some extra money (the blouses are not cheap) and want to treat yourself to to Anne Fontaine.

To top off a fabulous weekend of shopping and schmoozing with Phoebe, I had a celebrity citing. I was sitting in O'Hare waiting for my flight and watching people pass by. Next thing I see is a goodlooking guy standing in my line of site. I'm thinking, "Wow, he's nice looking." and went on looking around to only realize that it wasn't just any good looking guy, but BRAD PITT.

He was wearing this hat and walking non chalantly through the airport. Of course I realized after he passed that I didn't have my camera, so here is the closest picture I could find.

My next travel adventure will be a roadtrip to Maine. Maybe I'll run into some other celebs.