The Journey Within

The question of “Where does courage reside in me?” has been on my mind a lot this week.

Definition (Dictionary.com):
The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
To act in accordance with one's beliefs, esp. in spite of criticism.

I think of courage a little bit differently. It is to face the difficulty in spite of fear not in the absence of fear. I don’t think you can have courage without fear. It’s knowing the fear and leaning into it to take action. I think it means standing up for what you believe in and being grounded in that belief and body

I seem to be very in touch with my fears and assessments (grounded or ungrounded) about them:
1. Failure (I did all the "right" things and it was still screwed up. )
2. Success (No one stays at the top for long. When does the other shoe drop?)
3. Loneliness (I'm not good enough)
4. Conflict (It only causes bad feelings and broken relationships)

When have I been courageous?

I remember when I first moved away from home after college in 1997. I didn't know if I would succeed or fail and it didn't matter then. I just wanted to do something different. The world seemed wide open and I just wanted to find a job that would pay my bills. I was scared of the unknown, but not enough to stay put.

I studied in Australia for a Semester in 1994 and flew across the world by myself. A small part of me was scared, but a majority of me was looking forward to the adventure and all the new people I would meet and all of the new places I would visit. I didn't dwell on the fear, but embraced the adventure. That semester, I also went bungee jumping, rock climbing, surfing, snorkeling with sharks, and scuba diving.

Were those experiences exhibiting courage or dare devil behavior? Does it matter? Does there need to be a little bit of naivete to be courageous? There is an advantage to not knowing then what I know now. The thoughts of "You will be sorry if you do this?" never entered my mind in either case because I had nothing to lose. When you start with nothing you have nothing to lose.

What is holding me back now from starting my own business are my fears that I won't be able to pay my bills, I could lose my house, I won't be able to afford health insurance, and I could neglect my friendships because of all of the work it will take to start up. I'm also afraid that by making coaching my job or profession that it means it won't be fun anymore. How do I put that fear aside long enough to ground those assessments and feel confident that I can do it in spite of myself?