Just when I think that I've got life figured out, events remind me that it isn't that simple. Some may call it the sweetness, the extra spice, the little something extra that makes life worth living. If things were predictable all of the time I would get bored. My life this first half of 2010 has given me a LOT of surprises; the loss of a love that I thought would outlast all of lifes ups and downs, the new possibilities of making a living, and developing new friendships/rekindling old ones with kindred spirits.
The "downs" of life somehow surprise me more than the "ups" of life. I'm not sure why I expect life to just have "ups". It is when I accept, not necessarily condone, that life has both ups and downs then I know I can face anything. This up or down is just temporary and I need to be present and experience both for without the true sorrows, I cannot appreciate the blissful joys when they come along. My mom once told me that when she looks for a partner/mate/companion in life, she wants to find someone who has experienced the sorrow and low in his life as well as the joys. Someone who has had it "easy" all of his life doesn't know how to make the difficult decisions, so he may differ his decision to others and never truly be happy.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to write down lists of things I want to do in my life and things I've already done. For some reason, it gives me some balance back in my life.
Here are just a few goals that I jotted down recently for the next year:
1. Buy a new car
2. Find 2 more clients for my business
3. Take an all inclusive vacation
4. Fall in love again
5. Sell 2 necklaces
6. Research a new idea I have for my business
7. Read 4 books
8. Go on 5 dates with different men
9. Lose 35 pounds
10. Set up training program to run a 5K
11. Find a cheaper health plan
12. Hire a cleaning service for my condo (at least once per month)
13. Host 2 or more dinner parties for friends
14. Paint my living room
15. Buy a new couch
16. Buy a new desk
17. Clean out closets and start giving away and throwing away clutter
As I write those up here on this blog, I realize that they are in no particular order. I am already starting to train for a 5K in October, which I hope will then necessitate the weight loss. I used to love to run in high school, so I'll now see if I still love it.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Peering into the Valley
Today, I attended the funeral of an old friend who died way to young at age 40. He had just quit his job in search of a new adventure. They say he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. A few of his friends found him the next day. Carpe Diem is the phrase that keeps repeating in my head--squeezing the marrow out of life. His cousin got up to say a few words and said how much he had lived his life at such a young age and took care of everyone. He said that "Andy went out on top" and I believe it.
I am sad today not just because of the loss of a good person who was there for anyone in need but I am also sad for those that don't "suck the marrow out of life" that wait until another day to go on that vacation or have coffee with that friend they haven't seen in years.
I know that the only thing certain in life is death and we don't know when that will happen to us. I want to cultivate joy and gratefulness in my life.
I am so grateful for all of my friends in my life. My close friends know me through my crazy times, fun times, and sad times and still enjoy the show. :) I'm grateful for my family who can drive me crazy at times, but who are honest and would do anything for me as well as I would do for them. I am grateful for my house and the people I meet everyday.
As my friend, Vernita says, "I want to emerge and evolve to become unperturbable" to my surroundings. I think that is truly cultivating joy, don't you?
Live your life as if no one was watching. Dance in your underwear, sing in the supermarket, play in the water fountain, laugh uncontrollably, and create the life you've always wanted.
Friday, March 26, 2010
The Road Less Travelled
I did it. I quit my job in January to start my own business. I'm my own boss which is very exciting, scary, creative, flexible, and freeing. It's interesting because for the first time in 12 years, I don't feel worried. When I had a full time job, I was contantly worried about living up to expectations, figuring out what the expectations were, and how to hold on to my job. Now, when I think that I "should be worried" about finding work and paying my bills, I have a peace that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I know that I will find work and I have a plan for paying my bills.
Something that I recently discovered is that I'm not fitting in with the "norm" in my community. I am loving my job and my lifestyle right now. I am so happy! I am noticing that I feel a little guilty for telling people that. How do I find the balance between telling people what's going on with me and not feel like I'm bragging about my life? I used to be in the midst of the gossip and talk about what I didn't like about my job and how hard work was for me. It's not proving to be hard at this point, at least not yet.
Another friend of mine who recently left her job after 10 years says, "I feel like I've moved into a career where I am finally taking care of myself and coming into me. Some people say that I'm in retirement, but I feel like I'm just beginning."
I do feel like I'm just beginning to emerge. I have so many ideas of making money and creating my offer to organizations. It's so nice that I already have some work that is getting me by right now and not have to dip into my savings.
2010 is already giving me the flexibility and freedom to think differently. I think this transition and emerging process will be throughout this year.
How are you emerging this year?
Something that I recently discovered is that I'm not fitting in with the "norm" in my community. I am loving my job and my lifestyle right now. I am so happy! I am noticing that I feel a little guilty for telling people that. How do I find the balance between telling people what's going on with me and not feel like I'm bragging about my life? I used to be in the midst of the gossip and talk about what I didn't like about my job and how hard work was for me. It's not proving to be hard at this point, at least not yet.
Another friend of mine who recently left her job after 10 years says, "I feel like I've moved into a career where I am finally taking care of myself and coming into me. Some people say that I'm in retirement, but I feel like I'm just beginning."
I do feel like I'm just beginning to emerge. I have so many ideas of making money and creating my offer to organizations. It's so nice that I already have some work that is getting me by right now and not have to dip into my savings.
2010 is already giving me the flexibility and freedom to think differently. I think this transition and emerging process will be throughout this year.
How are you emerging this year?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tip toeing through political work environments
Whenever I travel to a new place, I immediately get the map and plot where my hotel is in relation to restaurants and entertainment. Once I can picture where I am, I am ready to explore the unknown and take the road less travelled. If I can't picture where I "fit" into the larger context, it becomes harder for me to explore and be curious. It's this need to know where or who I am before I can explore where I am going or moving forward.
I've been butting heads with a boss at work all year. Rationally, I know the main issue is that she's a VERY detailed and scheduled person who is in a role that is not in her comfort zone in terms of being more "hands off" and strategic thinking. I admit that I have a lot to learn about details and structure of things. I miss details on my best day and at times will make up detail to prove my point (I'd say that would be on my worst day). I see arbitrary deadlines as a waste of time. If it's a hard and fast deadline for a deliverable such as presenting to an audience, I will get it done and deem that much more important than the schedule leading up to it. Well, I have been so frustrated this year because I can't see why I was selected to do certain projects or how much autonomy do I have to run the project my way? I have felt like the Dilbert cartoon where I have all the blame for the failure of projects, and my boss has all of the decision making power. I feel like I'm an underwriter for her. She seems to want to tell me what to write, I write it, and then she has someone to blame if it isn't written well.
I need the road map. I need the "You are Here" icon in the broader picture. I can't see where I'm going because I can't see where I am. So far, all I can see are the wrong turns I'm making into the brick walls. I am trying hard to see the "maze".
So, I have felt I've been stalled on my journey for at least a year or two figuring out how to get past the dead ends. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for me because I see the light through the "hedges". I see opportunity to move because I see myself somewhere different than this job. I have an opportunity to put a stake in the ground where I am standing that says, "You are Here" move forward. I get a chance to create the 'ocean' I will swim in or the 'map' I will follow from here.
I've been butting heads with a boss at work all year. Rationally, I know the main issue is that she's a VERY detailed and scheduled person who is in a role that is not in her comfort zone in terms of being more "hands off" and strategic thinking. I admit that I have a lot to learn about details and structure of things. I miss details on my best day and at times will make up detail to prove my point (I'd say that would be on my worst day). I see arbitrary deadlines as a waste of time. If it's a hard and fast deadline for a deliverable such as presenting to an audience, I will get it done and deem that much more important than the schedule leading up to it. Well, I have been so frustrated this year because I can't see why I was selected to do certain projects or how much autonomy do I have to run the project my way? I have felt like the Dilbert cartoon where I have all the blame for the failure of projects, and my boss has all of the decision making power. I feel like I'm an underwriter for her. She seems to want to tell me what to write, I write it, and then she has someone to blame if it isn't written well.
I need the road map. I need the "You are Here" icon in the broader picture. I can't see where I'm going because I can't see where I am. So far, all I can see are the wrong turns I'm making into the brick walls. I am trying hard to see the "maze".
So, I have felt I've been stalled on my journey for at least a year or two figuring out how to get past the dead ends. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for me because I see the light through the "hedges". I see opportunity to move because I see myself somewhere different than this job. I have an opportunity to put a stake in the ground where I am standing that says, "You are Here" move forward. I get a chance to create the 'ocean' I will swim in or the 'map' I will follow from here.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Career thoughts
It's almost a year since my last post and so much has happened. Where to begin? I've been in my own transformative process. Tackling those grand questions of:
- What do I want to do when I grow up?
- Where are my strengths?
- How can I get paid to do what I love?
- How can I get unstuck and face my fears?
In true form, I have identified many things I don't want in the process to discover what I do want. Here are a few thoughts:
- I want to use my strengths and be proud of them
- I want to give back to my community
- I want to put "work" in perspective and start "playing" more
- I want to be financially secure and take lots risks in life
- I want to cultivate relationship
- I want to align my passions with what I do
Now, it's about turning those wants into action. What do you want in a career or in your life?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Turning 35!
I just celebrated my 35th birthday and had a fabulous time. It became a weekend event. I went out on Friday night for happy hour that turned into a late night. I got my hair cut and darkened and love it! On Saturday night, I invited friends to go bowling and enjoyed it immensely. On Sunday, my actual birthday, I slept in and took a long walk for brunch and took a nap in the afternoon. All in all, it was a well balanced weekend.
Like every year, I set a new intention or theme for the next year. Last year, my theme was "Fearless" and consequently I dealt with a lot of fearful things.
This year, I have a few top picks:
Pleasure
Lightness
Acceptance
The jury is still out and will decide in a few weeks.
It's also a good time to reflect on the last year's accomplishments and learning. Here's my Top 10 list:
10. Finished my Coaching certification through Newfield Network
9. Attended a weekly yoga classes at Journeyoga.net
8. Realized that having emotion is not the same as the emotions having me
7. Designed and sold some pieces of my jewelry
6. I went out on dates and am still looking...
5. Re-decorated my back deck with flowers and a sectional couch
4. Made themed onesies for all of my pregnant friends (8 women)
3. Bonded with a horse named Allegro
2. Sometimes when there are too many directions to go in, the best thing to do is stand still
1. Scrabble on Facebook is sooooo addictive!
Like every year, I set a new intention or theme for the next year. Last year, my theme was "Fearless" and consequently I dealt with a lot of fearful things.
This year, I have a few top picks:
Pleasure
Lightness
Acceptance
The jury is still out and will decide in a few weeks.
It's also a good time to reflect on the last year's accomplishments and learning. Here's my Top 10 list:
10. Finished my Coaching certification through Newfield Network
9. Attended a weekly yoga classes at Journeyoga.net
8. Realized that having emotion is not the same as the emotions having me
7. Designed and sold some pieces of my jewelry
6. I went out on dates and am still looking...
5. Re-decorated my back deck with flowers and a sectional couch
4. Made themed onesies for all of my pregnant friends (8 women)
3. Bonded with a horse named Allegro
2. Sometimes when there are too many directions to go in, the best thing to do is stand still
1. Scrabble on Facebook is sooooo addictive!
Is there ever an unbiased survey?
So, I am filling out this survey for work about generational differences, and at one point it asks me,
What is your status?
A. Single/divorced/widowed
B. Married/partnered.
Ok, so as a single, never been married woman, I am put into the same category as widows and divorcees? So, the only reason to be single is a perceived negative connotation? No offense to those who have gone through a divorce or who are widows. I can't pretend to know what it is like to go through that, but why not have answers like,
A. Single and Happy
B. Single and Looking
C. Married and Happy
D. Married and Looking
E. Partnered and Happy
F. Partnered and Looking
G. It's complicated :)
It adds a little more zest, don't you think?
Ok, I realize I'm projecting my own stuff on the survey....but.....
There is a question that says,
How much time do you spend with your children?
A. Never
B. Rarely
C. Weekly
D. Daily
There was NOT a "Does not apply" answer, so I had to put Never since I don't have kids. It assumes I have kids even if I answered three previous questions about kids, "Do you have them? Do you want them? If you had them, would you want a flexible work arrangement?"
Just some thoughts.....
What is your status?
A. Single/divorced/widowed
B. Married/partnered.
Ok, so as a single, never been married woman, I am put into the same category as widows and divorcees? So, the only reason to be single is a perceived negative connotation? No offense to those who have gone through a divorce or who are widows. I can't pretend to know what it is like to go through that, but why not have answers like,
A. Single and Happy
B. Single and Looking
C. Married and Happy
D. Married and Looking
E. Partnered and Happy
F. Partnered and Looking
G. It's complicated :)
It adds a little more zest, don't you think?
Ok, I realize I'm projecting my own stuff on the survey....but.....
There is a question that says,
How much time do you spend with your children?
A. Never
B. Rarely
C. Weekly
D. Daily
There was NOT a "Does not apply" answer, so I had to put Never since I don't have kids. It assumes I have kids even if I answered three previous questions about kids, "Do you have them? Do you want them? If you had them, would you want a flexible work arrangement?"
Just some thoughts.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)