Making changes

I see friends and people around me racing to get from A to B, rushing to be promoted, anxious to know and predict the future or hurrying to be settled. What settles us is not a destination, but a way of being. Being truly present and daring to live this life fully is riding the current no matter what rocks and debris come along in our path, no matter what rapids and swirling eddies come our way.  Sometimes it feels like we don't have any control and life is just a series of chaotic events. There are a few things, however, that I know I can have control over such as my reactions and responses to situations and events.  I gain access to options when I am calm and centered versus racing to do something. I think clearer and breathe differently when I am centered.  When I stop mindlessly doing and start intentionally 'being', I create space for options. 

When I was diagnosed with Shingles in 2010 after a long period of stress at work and a break up of a relationship, I realized that I needed to take control of how I manage my stress.  In the past, I accessed strategies of eating too much to comfort myself or withdrawing from friends to cope with life's stresses.  Those didn't seem to work anymore, and I don't know if they ever did.

I chose to start running to get in shape and manage stress.  I was 90 pounds overweight and wasn't even sure how my body was going to react to running.  I remembered that I used to like running in high school, so why not try it again? Only this time, I wanted the more immediate goal to be, "I don't want to get injured."  Being 37 years old, I didn't think my body would respond or recover like it used to.

I downloaded a running schedule called the "Couch to 5K" from the Internet and decided to start training myself to run.  When I started, I could barely run 1 minute without being out of breath.  After about a month, I had worked up to running 5 minutes without stopping and needed something else to keep me motivated and to push me further.  So, I signed up for a Running 101 course through a local running store.

I kept a very slow pace and learned more about my body.  When I felt my stomach cramp up, I found out that I was pushing myself too hard.  When I hadn't had enough water during the day, I found that my body was stiff and lethargic.  When I got enough protein in my diet and sleep at night, I had more energy and could sustain my run longer. 

First 5K of 2011

At the end of the 101 class, I ran 24 minutes without stopping.  It was amazing!  How could someone 90 pounds overweight be able to change their endurance that quickly?  In only 3 months? I made another decision to enroll in 5K races in 2011.  Originally, I was intending to do one a month.  I ended up with 6 total for the year. I started to lose some weight, but my joints were hurting.  My left foot started cramping and feeling like I had strained my arch and my knees started feeling sore.  I slowed down and took it easy, but didn't give up on my journey.  Instead, I decided I needed to change my eating habits, so that I would lose weight quicker and be better to my joints.  I joined Weight Watchers in October 2011.

The pounds started coming off and I was cross training in the gym--lifting weights and riding the stationary bike. By March 2012, I have lost 50 pounds.  I ran my first full 5K in February without walking or stopping.  I have another 40 pounds to lose, so I'm over 1/2 way there. 

February 2012

What control can you have in your life?  What would create a lifestyle change and give you access to new choices and options?  What can release you from the rushing and anxiety even if it's for only a few minutes a day?

Air Pockets

Have you ever tripped over your own feet and wondered how that happened?  I think there are air pockets hidden from view that give us a jolt back into the present moment.  Some air pockets are bigger than others in life.  Major events or crisis that define our next move in life, unexpected downturns when we wanted success. It's not as much about the events, but how we handle them and learn from them.  I started a second business last year that seemed like a fantastic opportunity and now it's ending.  There are so many lessons and legal aspects to starting a business that one misguided move can cause a lot more pain later, like law suits and failures.

I've realized more about myself as I manage and navigate this air pocket. 

1. Life still goes on
2. I asked a question a year ago, "How do you stay present and make future plans?"  Is it possible to have both?  Well, I'm getting LOTS of practice with that duality right now.  A friend mentioned that the key is hope for something more. 
3. Catastrophyzing is a part of the process for me.  I need time to brainstorm the worst case scenerios and the "What if's" and then talk to friends and loved ones to help me ground my assumptions and take action on the important ones.
4. Ultimately, there is very little that I have control of aside from my own responses and reactions to a situation
5. Surrounding myself with people who support and guide me versus cause more anxiety and worry
6. Finding an activity to help manage stress for the long term.  I started running to get in shape and joined Weight Watchers to lose weight and eat healthier.  It has made all of the difference and gives me something else to focus on that is successful
7. Creating play in my life to laugh and really put the event in perspective. Read books that have nothing to do with what I am going through.  The Hunger Games was perfect!
8. Attending a half day meditation workshop, which forced me to deal with emotions and challenged me to truly stay in the moment and accept what was happening versus resisting.  Through this process I've learned that as humans we have emotion and occasionally we allow the emotion to have us.
9. Spending time reflecting in between activities.  My mom always told me to not underestimate the power and time for reflection. I believe now that that's where my strength is coming from
10. Taking the situation seriously, but not myself.  I may think I'm the most important person in my world, but realizing there are others around me who view things differently.  I'm not as self important as I think.

How do you handle major life stresses?  Is there a time you ever let those emotions take over and rule your world?

Redefining Leadership

Being a leader seems to boil down to a few things, leading through others, having a commanding yet relationship presence, and being authentic in body, mind, and emotion.  I've been working with leaders and managers for over 10 years; training courses in the people side of management and leadership.  There is a reprogramming of behavior that seems to be needed when making that transition in organizations.  Up until mid-level management, staff across the board are told that emotion doesn't belong in the workplace and that emotion should be controlled at all times otherwise you will be seen as unprofessional or crazy.  When did emotion become evil? 

In my experience, the more I tried to contain my emotion, the more I exploded.  The pressure cooker analogy is appropriate here.  Yet, I was often sought out in my job as a mentor and as someone who was empathetic and effective with others who had strong emotion.  Interestingly enough, what I have learned is that being a successful manager and leader is not done in the absence of emotion or in a controlled environment, but in managing moment to moment the changing conditions and unexpectedness of others emotions and changing job requirements.

There is a level of acceptance and consciousness of yourself that is required in effective leaders.  If I accept my faults and strengths and am conscious of when I am oparating in each, then I have access to more choices and decisions versus a blind reaction.  Leaders need to be able to show human-ness to their organizations.  Show that they do have faults, however, they know how to navigate through failure and bruised relationships more successfully. 

Can a leader be a leader when no one is following?

Intuition and business

I've been having some conversations lately regarding following your intuition and it's connection with a job, career, life, and business. I spent almost 13 years in a corporate environment that taught me to second guess my "gut feeling". I left feeling like I didn't have the skills or knowledge to get another job or unsure about what other job I would be qualified for. I started my own business and spent the last year repairing my confidence and increasing my trust in my intuition. I have since talked with many other women who have been saying similar things about where they are in their career. In the U.S. we seem to be obsessed with predictability and proving our case for a new project or new change we want to implement. We have become so obsessed with planning and assessing risks that I ask, "When are we actually doing it and taking risks?" I feel the most alive when I am taking a risk and trusting myself to navigate through that process.

I'm not sure how I learned that skill or where I get my confidence to make decisions. The decisions themselves aren't always correct or right, but it's the way that I process and recover that have become and continue to become the strength of my confidence. Again, it's not that I'm getting it right. It's that I am striving for it and living through it that brings excitement, fear, and ultimately, I hope, happiness.

I heard JayZ say, "No one learns from success, but everyone learns from failure." Well, if we are all about predicting, then where is there time to fail and try again in that process?

Transformation

Just when I think that I've got life figured out, events remind me that it isn't that simple. Some may call it the sweetness, the extra spice, the little something extra that makes life worth living. If things were predictable all of the time I would get bored. My life this first half of 2010 has given me a LOT of surprises; the loss of a love that I thought would outlast all of lifes ups and downs, the new possibilities of making a living, and developing new friendships/rekindling old ones with kindred spirits.

The "downs" of life somehow surprise me more than the "ups" of life. I'm not sure why I expect life to just have "ups". It is when I accept, not necessarily condone, that life has both ups and downs then I know I can face anything. This up or down is just temporary and I need to be present and experience both for without the true sorrows, I cannot appreciate the blissful joys when they come along. My mom once told me that when she looks for a partner/mate/companion in life, she wants to find someone who has experienced the sorrow and low in his life as well as the joys. Someone who has had it "easy" all of his life doesn't know how to make the difficult decisions, so he may differ his decision to others and never truly be happy.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to write down lists of things I want to do in my life and things I've already done. For some reason, it gives me some balance back in my life.

Here are just a few goals that I jotted down recently for the next year:

1. Buy a new car
2. Find 2 more clients for my business
3. Take an all inclusive vacation
4. Fall in love again
5. Sell 2 necklaces
6. Research a new idea I have for my business
7. Read 4 books
8. Go on 5 dates with different men
9. Lose 35 pounds
10. Set up training program to run a 5K
11. Find a cheaper health plan
12. Hire a cleaning service for my condo (at least once per month)
13. Host 2 or more dinner parties for friends
14. Paint my living room
15. Buy a new couch
16. Buy a new desk
17. Clean out closets and start giving away and throwing away clutter

As I write those up here on this blog, I realize that they are in no particular order. I am already starting to train for a 5K in October, which I hope will then necessitate the weight loss. I used to love to run in high school, so I'll now see if I still love it.

Peering into the Valley

Today, I attended the funeral of an old friend who died way to young at age 40. He had just quit his job in search of a new adventure. They say he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. A few of his friends found him the next day. Carpe Diem is the phrase that keeps repeating in my head--squeezing the marrow out of life. His cousin got up to say a few words and said how much he had lived his life at such a young age and took care of everyone. He said that "Andy went out on top" and I believe it.

I am sad today not just because of the loss of a good person who was there for anyone in need but I am also sad for those that don't "suck the marrow out of life" that wait until another day to go on that vacation or have coffee with that friend they haven't seen in years.

I know that the only thing certain in life is death and we don't know when that will happen to us. I want to cultivate joy and gratefulness in my life.

I am so grateful for all of my friends in my life. My close friends know me through my crazy times, fun times, and sad times and still enjoy the show. :) I'm grateful for my family who can drive me crazy at times, but who are honest and would do anything for me as well as I would do for them. I am grateful for my house and the people I meet everyday.

As my friend, Vernita says, "I want to emerge and evolve to become unperturbable" to my surroundings. I think that is truly cultivating joy, don't you?

Live your life as if no one was watching. Dance in your underwear, sing in the supermarket, play in the water fountain, laugh uncontrollably, and create the life you've always wanted.

The Road Less Travelled

I did it. I quit my job in January to start my own business. I'm my own boss which is very exciting, scary, creative, flexible, and freeing. It's interesting because for the first time in 12 years, I don't feel worried. When I had a full time job, I was contantly worried about living up to expectations, figuring out what the expectations were, and how to hold on to my job. Now, when I think that I "should be worried" about finding work and paying my bills, I have a peace that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I know that I will find work and I have a plan for paying my bills.

Something that I recently discovered is that I'm not fitting in with the "norm" in my community. I am loving my job and my lifestyle right now. I am so happy! I am noticing that I feel a little guilty for telling people that. How do I find the balance between telling people what's going on with me and not feel like I'm bragging about my life? I used to be in the midst of the gossip and talk about what I didn't like about my job and how hard work was for me. It's not proving to be hard at this point, at least not yet.

Another friend of mine who recently left her job after 10 years says, "I feel like I've moved into a career where I am finally taking care of myself and coming into me. Some people say that I'm in retirement, but I feel like I'm just beginning."

I do feel like I'm just beginning to emerge. I have so many ideas of making money and creating my offer to organizations. It's so nice that I already have some work that is getting me by right now and not have to dip into my savings.

2010 is already giving me the flexibility and freedom to think differently. I think this transition and emerging process will be throughout this year.

How are you emerging this year?