Transformation

Just when I think that I've got life figured out, events remind me that it isn't that simple. Some may call it the sweetness, the extra spice, the little something extra that makes life worth living. If things were predictable all of the time I would get bored. My life this first half of 2010 has given me a LOT of surprises; the loss of a love that I thought would outlast all of lifes ups and downs, the new possibilities of making a living, and developing new friendships/rekindling old ones with kindred spirits.

The "downs" of life somehow surprise me more than the "ups" of life. I'm not sure why I expect life to just have "ups". It is when I accept, not necessarily condone, that life has both ups and downs then I know I can face anything. This up or down is just temporary and I need to be present and experience both for without the true sorrows, I cannot appreciate the blissful joys when they come along. My mom once told me that when she looks for a partner/mate/companion in life, she wants to find someone who has experienced the sorrow and low in his life as well as the joys. Someone who has had it "easy" all of his life doesn't know how to make the difficult decisions, so he may differ his decision to others and never truly be happy.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to write down lists of things I want to do in my life and things I've already done. For some reason, it gives me some balance back in my life.

Here are just a few goals that I jotted down recently for the next year:

1. Buy a new car
2. Find 2 more clients for my business
3. Take an all inclusive vacation
4. Fall in love again
5. Sell 2 necklaces
6. Research a new idea I have for my business
7. Read 4 books
8. Go on 5 dates with different men
9. Lose 35 pounds
10. Set up training program to run a 5K
11. Find a cheaper health plan
12. Hire a cleaning service for my condo (at least once per month)
13. Host 2 or more dinner parties for friends
14. Paint my living room
15. Buy a new couch
16. Buy a new desk
17. Clean out closets and start giving away and throwing away clutter

As I write those up here on this blog, I realize that they are in no particular order. I am already starting to train for a 5K in October, which I hope will then necessitate the weight loss. I used to love to run in high school, so I'll now see if I still love it.

Peering into the Valley

Today, I attended the funeral of an old friend who died way to young at age 40. He had just quit his job in search of a new adventure. They say he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. A few of his friends found him the next day. Carpe Diem is the phrase that keeps repeating in my head--squeezing the marrow out of life. His cousin got up to say a few words and said how much he had lived his life at such a young age and took care of everyone. He said that "Andy went out on top" and I believe it.

I am sad today not just because of the loss of a good person who was there for anyone in need but I am also sad for those that don't "suck the marrow out of life" that wait until another day to go on that vacation or have coffee with that friend they haven't seen in years.

I know that the only thing certain in life is death and we don't know when that will happen to us. I want to cultivate joy and gratefulness in my life.

I am so grateful for all of my friends in my life. My close friends know me through my crazy times, fun times, and sad times and still enjoy the show. :) I'm grateful for my family who can drive me crazy at times, but who are honest and would do anything for me as well as I would do for them. I am grateful for my house and the people I meet everyday.

As my friend, Vernita says, "I want to emerge and evolve to become unperturbable" to my surroundings. I think that is truly cultivating joy, don't you?

Live your life as if no one was watching. Dance in your underwear, sing in the supermarket, play in the water fountain, laugh uncontrollably, and create the life you've always wanted.

The Road Less Travelled

I did it. I quit my job in January to start my own business. I'm my own boss which is very exciting, scary, creative, flexible, and freeing. It's interesting because for the first time in 12 years, I don't feel worried. When I had a full time job, I was contantly worried about living up to expectations, figuring out what the expectations were, and how to hold on to my job. Now, when I think that I "should be worried" about finding work and paying my bills, I have a peace that I haven't felt in a LONG time. I know that I will find work and I have a plan for paying my bills.

Something that I recently discovered is that I'm not fitting in with the "norm" in my community. I am loving my job and my lifestyle right now. I am so happy! I am noticing that I feel a little guilty for telling people that. How do I find the balance between telling people what's going on with me and not feel like I'm bragging about my life? I used to be in the midst of the gossip and talk about what I didn't like about my job and how hard work was for me. It's not proving to be hard at this point, at least not yet.

Another friend of mine who recently left her job after 10 years says, "I feel like I've moved into a career where I am finally taking care of myself and coming into me. Some people say that I'm in retirement, but I feel like I'm just beginning."

I do feel like I'm just beginning to emerge. I have so many ideas of making money and creating my offer to organizations. It's so nice that I already have some work that is getting me by right now and not have to dip into my savings.

2010 is already giving me the flexibility and freedom to think differently. I think this transition and emerging process will be throughout this year.

How are you emerging this year?