Whenever I travel to a new place, I immediately get the map and plot where my hotel is in relation to restaurants and entertainment. Once I can picture where I am, I am ready to explore the unknown and take the road less travelled. If I can't picture where I "fit" into the larger context, it becomes harder for me to explore and be curious. It's this need to know where or who I am before I can explore where I am going or moving forward.
I've been butting heads with a boss at work all year. Rationally, I know the main issue is that she's a VERY detailed and scheduled person who is in a role that is not in her comfort zone in terms of being more "hands off" and strategic thinking. I admit that I have a lot to learn about details and structure of things. I miss details on my best day and at times will make up detail to prove my point (I'd say that would be on my worst day). I see arbitrary deadlines as a waste of time. If it's a hard and fast deadline for a deliverable such as presenting to an audience, I will get it done and deem that much more important than the schedule leading up to it. Well, I have been so frustrated this year because I can't see why I was selected to do certain projects or how much autonomy do I have to run the project my way? I have felt like the Dilbert cartoon where I have all the blame for the failure of projects, and my boss has all of the decision making power. I feel like I'm an underwriter for her. She seems to want to tell me what to write, I write it, and then she has someone to blame if it isn't written well.
I need the road map. I need the "You are Here" icon in the broader picture. I can't see where I'm going because I can't see where I am. So far, all I can see are the wrong turns I'm making into the brick walls. I am trying hard to see the "maze".
So, I have felt I've been stalled on my journey for at least a year or two figuring out how to get past the dead ends. I think 2010 is going to be a banner year for me because I see the light through the "hedges". I see opportunity to move because I see myself somewhere different than this job. I have an opportunity to put a stake in the ground where I am standing that says, "You are Here" move forward. I get a chance to create the 'ocean' I will swim in or the 'map' I will follow from here.
